Contacting Your Ex to Get Her Back - The Basics of Ex Girlfriend Calling

Published: 01st July 2009
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One of the most difficult parts of getting an exgirlfriend back is knowing when to contact her. If you do it right, it could lead to a complete reversal of your breakup. But done wrong, and you could drive your ex further away from you. Fixing a break up isn't always easy, but if you're dedicated to rebuilding your relationship, the following rules for ex girlfriend calling should be followed:



The many steps required for winning back your girlfriend are important, but the single biggest goal you have should be easy: making your ex want you back again. Up until she reaches that point, anything you do to fix your relationship will always fall short. Your ex needs to reach a point where she physically, mentally, and emotionally wants to be with you again. The problem is getting her to this point, and making her realize how much you mean to her.



Although every break up will have different circumstances surrounding how the relationship ended, there are many things common to most of these situations. You need to find these common threads and pick them out. You can then use them to push on just the right combination of emotional hot buttons that will bring your exgirlfriend's feelings for you back to the surface.



As tough as it may be, the first thing you'll have to do is cut all ties of communication between you and your ex. This requires complete silence: no calling her, emailing your ex, or text-messaging her either. It doesn't matter if she said she wanted to be friends, or if up until now you were keeping in touch with her. The quicker you can break contact with your ex, the faster you'll get her back. Being friends with your ex is pure fantasy, and only leads to heartache and the pain of having to watch her date other guys. You'll also risk the danger of falling so deep into the role as friend that you won't ever be able to break free of it. Like a black hole, you'll be sucked in... sitting back jealously to watch as she goes on with her love life - without you in it.



Forget all that. You're here to learn how to get back an ex girlfriend, so friendship is out the window. Totally disappearing from view is of the utmost importance. There may be times when you can't avoid seeing her (such as if you're co-workers, have the same circle of friends, etc...) so you'll need to be careful to avoid all but the most casual contact. You want your ex to wonder where you went. You want to have vanished almost mysteriously. Most of all, you're working toward getting your ex to miss you. She can't miss you if you're always in plain sight, so going away for a while will always cause her to think about you.



Look at it from her point of view: she's seen and heard from you every single day. But all of a sudden? Now you're gone completely. Where did you go? Are you doing something else? Have you found someone new? These are the questions she'll immediately ask, but won't have answers for. She'll worry that you've totally moved on, and even worse, you did it before she got a chance to. Over time she'll even question the break up: maybe you didn't need her as much as she thought you did? By doing not contacting your ex, you've entered her brain. You'll be stuck there in the back of her mind, until she can reconcile where you are and what you're thinking. You'll stay there until she calls you, or your ex sends you an email. The next time you contact your ex, things will be a lot different than if you'd just hung around and stayed in touch with her every day.



In the meantime, get on with your life. See friends, do things, and have fun without her. You'll be enjoying some time to get your head clear, but you'll also be giving your ex the opportunity to miss you. As time goes by she'll look to reestablish communication with you in some sort of subtle way, just to see what you're up to. It might be an innocent email, or maybe something more sneaky like sending a friend of hers to feel you out. In effect, she wants to know you're still "around". Part of any good relationship safety net is knowing you can always get the person you dumped back, whenever you want. But by going away? You've taken that away from her. She doesn't know what to think, and is suddenly a lot more interested in what you're doing.



Removing yourself from this position of neediness is one of the biggest steps you can take toward winning your ex back. After a while without any contact, ex-girlfriend calling, or electronic messaging of any kind, your ex will start to look at the break up differently. She cut you loose, and you flew away. Maybe she shouldn't have. She'll be forced to re-examine her feelings for you, and this will cause her to question the break up. And what have you done so far? Nothing.



So when your ex finally does see of hear from you again? She's going to be thrilled! Odds are she'll be missing you at this point big time, so it'll be a pretty simple move to invite her out for coffee or lunch. This will be your first major milestone toward getting your ex back, and you'll need to take it slow. But it's the best way to go about getting back together with your girlfriend: making her need you.



There are 8 individual Steps to winning back your girlfriend. Be sure to check them out! And for more ideas on what to say when your ex calls, visit Contacting Your Ex!


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